Now you will have an opportunity to understand the other person more deeply. For this part of the exercise, we’re guessing or imagining what was going on for the other person—we don’t know for sure their feelings or needs (unless we check directly with them).
1) Go back to the words you wrote down that you did not enjoy hearing. Use the same exact words from part one.
2) Look at the list of FEELING WORDS again. What do you think the person was feeling when they said those words? Be sure to use words from the feeling list (rather than feelings mixed with evaluations or judgments).
3) Now look again at the NEEDS LIST. What needs do you think the person was wanting to meet when they said what they said? Note that you may not like the words or strategy the person used (they may not like it either!). They were attempting though to meet some needs via their words or action.
Was it helpful for you to imagine the feelings and needs of the other person? Did you find this part of the exercise more difficult?
If you are having trouble with this section, you may wish to go back to part one and connect more deeply with you own feelings and needs.
Having completed part two, do you have a request (an action step) that you want to make of yourself or the other person?
With gratitude to Miki Kashtan, who we learned this from, and all the other NVC trainers who have used and developed this exercise!