When giving NVC intros, I often suggest that those new to the model start out by practicing it silently, connecting with your own feelings and needs (self-empathy) or silently empathy guessing with others. I also suggest that when you do practice out loud, to start out with complete strangers. There's lower stakes and less pressure, … Continue reading Empathy with Strangers

One of my favorite quotes is from Muriel Rukeyser: "The Universe is made of stories, not of atoms." While from a poet, it's interesting that this view increasingly holds scientific weight. Studies show that how we see things—a person’s face, particular colors, or even how we remember the “facts” of what happened---has less to do with “objective” reality than with the filter … Continue reading New stories, for a new year!

A few words about judgement: “As NVC replaces our old patterns of defending, withdrawing or attacking in the face of judgment and criticism. We come to perceive ourselves and others, as well as our intentions and relationships, in a new light. Resistance, defensiveness, and violent reactions are minimized…”All moralistic judgments, whether positive or negative, are … Continue reading NON-judgement Day!

Dear friends, As the days shorten and grow colder, I think of all those in my life who bring me warmth and light. Thank you for your commitment to yourself---and others around you and the world---in communicating with greater care and compassion. And thank you for all the moments of joy, playfulness, insight and connection … Continue reading Gratitude for the year

Mmmmmm, the holidays!  Time to relax, enjoy good food, and the sweet company of family and friends. All the festivities (and high carb food) can help us get through the dark, cold months of winter. Yet sometimes the holidays can be stressful. We have more social engagements (all those holiday parties and events), and preparations … Continue reading How to Really Have Happy Holidays!

In my last post, I wrote about the school shooting in Georgia and how, as a result of a different kind of response, there was a different outcome---an outcome far superior in my opinion (in terms of avoiding further trauma and protecting human life). Most of us, thankfully, never have to face a life and … Continue reading Transforming Injury into Empowerment and Engagement: A Moving Example

At the core of NVC practice is a basic principle: that we are far better served by focusing on what we want to generate or create than focusing on what's negative, not "right," or  "wrong." Each step of the NVC process leads us in this direction: observing what we're experiencing (that we wish to change), … Continue reading Living the Full Integrity and Promise of NVC

A few years ago, the city of NY ran a public service ad campaign. Each ad had a very cute baby (ok, my judgment--though if you saw them, I think you'd agree) in different situations. Each poster had the same title, "Take Good Care of Your Baby."  Each time I saw these ads, I became … Continue reading Holding everyone’s needs with care…including your own