#12. Wrapping it up Now you have all the steps that will help you give effective feedback: setting your intention, coming up with an observation, sharing your feelings, and your needs, and the two-sub parts of the request step: making both connection requests and then clear strategy requests that are concrete, positive and doable. Just … Continue reading #4Steps: Wrapping it up

#11. Step 4  - A Guide to Strategy Requests When focused on a strategy request, you want it to be concrete, positive, and doable. Otherwise, it’s like depending on telepathy to actually get your needs met.   Strategy requests are concrete This step is in some ways like the observation step. What would the action … Continue reading #4Steps: A Guide to Strategy Requests

#10 Step 4 (Part 2) - Getting Your Needs Met (Connection Requests, Part Two) Making a connection request is like getting a weather report. It also helps you get to the next kind of request you’ll make, once you have connection:  a strategy request. The reason you want to connect with the person first is … Continue reading #4Steps: Getting Your Needs Met (Connection Requests, Part Two)

#9 Step 4 (Part 1) - Putting It All Together (Connection Requests) So far we’ve focused first on external reality - what we’ve seen or heard in the external world, and then how we’re experiencing that, internally, via our feelings and needs. All of the steps so far work towards our taking responsibility for our … Continue reading #4Steps: Putting It All Together (Connection Requests)

#8. Step 3: What’s driving you?  (“How feelings connect to needs”) Take a moment and think again about what happened. What did you hear or see that you want to give feedback about (the observation - step one). When you think about what you saw or what you heard, how do you feel (feelings- step … Continue reading #4Steps: What’s driving you? (part 2)

#7. Step 3: What’s driving you?  (“What needs were you attempting to meet”) In the previous bit, we explored noticing how you’re feeling, and why it’s helpful and important to notice and share what you’re feeling in a neutral and responsible way, free of blame. Another reason it’s helpful to notice what you’re feeling is … Continue reading #4Steps: What’s driving you?

#6. Step Two - Getting the Pulse of What Matters   Now that you’ve identified what you’ve seen or heard (what you’re responding to), let’s focus on what’s driving the situation. If you want to share something, there’s a reason for that. You probably are upset or concerned about something, or confused or impatient, or … Continue reading #4Steps: Getting the Pulse of What Matters

#5. Step One- Creating Shared Reality (Part Two)  (“Here is what I observed”) If you want to talk about an action or something that happened, share what you observed, free of judgment or blame. Imagine that you have a camcorder—recording exactly what happened on video tape, or that you’re like a sports commentator giving a … Continue reading #4Steps: Creating Shared Reality (Part Two)

#4. Step One: Creating Shared Reality (Part One)  (“Here is what I heard”) Now that you’ve done the pre-step, connecting to the purpose or meaning it would give you to speak up, let’s focus on what you actually want to say. Usually in giving feedback we’re responding to something we heard or saw someone say … Continue reading #4Steps: Creating Shared Reality (Part One)