#12. Wrapping it up
Now you have all the steps that will help you give effective feedback: setting your intention, coming up with an observation, sharing your feelings, and your needs, and the two-sub parts of the request step: making both connection requests and then clear strategy requests that are concrete, positive and doable.
Just as a friendly reminder, keep judgment and demands (including blame and shame) out of your feedback.
And I want to remind you to include feedback in your life about needs met, both for yourself and others. When thinking about feedback, we often can focus on “constructive criticism” and the glass being half empty: what we don’t like or think needs to be changed. Focusing on what is working for us—via gratitude and appreciation (and also making use of these four steps)–is powerful life fuel for creating change. By focusing on what we do like and want, it becomes more on our radar and easier to replicate and repeat. To experience this, I invite you to take a moment to think about something you’re really happy about, the needs met, and what request you might have.
For example: “Thinking about how I spent 20 minutes stretching today and then rode my bike for thirty minutes the next day, I am so happy and pleased with myself! First of all, I feel energized in my body and healthier. Plus it’s just satisfying to have set a goal like this and to have achieved it! Yay! I think my next goal will be to go swimming at least once this week and do 40 laps!” Notice in this example that you also had a request for yourself — a next step request.
To support practicing around both needs met and unmet, you may want to review all four steps and have a handy one-page guide to the four steps. You can download one here.
You can also find more of my resources and learn more about the model that the Four Steps to Effective Feedback are based on, at www.cnvc.org. And if you have a question or want to give me feedback, feel free to contact me. (If you do send me feedback, why don’t you use the four steps! This gives you a chance to practice and will help me connect with what matters to you. 🙂
Thanks, and I hope you found the course helpful!