#7. Step 3: What’s driving you? (“What needs were you attempting to meet”) In the previous bit, we explored noticing how you’re feeling, and why it’s helpful and important to notice and share what you’re feeling in a neutral and responsible way, free of blame. Another reason it’s helpful to notice what you’re feeling is … Continue reading #4Steps: What’s driving you?
#4Steps: Getting the Pulse of What Matters
#6. Step Two - Getting the Pulse of What Matters Now that you’ve identified what you’ve seen or heard (what you’re responding to), let’s focus on what’s driving the situation. If you want to share something, there’s a reason for that. You probably are upset or concerned about something, or confused or impatient, or … Continue reading #4Steps: Getting the Pulse of What Matters
#4Steps: Creating Shared Reality (Part Two)
#5. Step One- Creating Shared Reality (Part Two) (“Here is what I observed”) If you want to talk about an action or something that happened, share what you observed, free of judgment or blame. Imagine that you have a camcorder—recording exactly what happened on video tape, or that you’re like a sports commentator giving a … Continue reading #4Steps: Creating Shared Reality (Part Two)
#4Steps: Creating Shared Reality (Part One)
#4. Step One: Creating Shared Reality (Part One) (“Here is what I heard”) Now that you’ve done the pre-step, connecting to the purpose or meaning it would give you to speak up, let’s focus on what you actually want to say. Usually in giving feedback we’re responding to something we heard or saw someone say … Continue reading #4Steps: Creating Shared Reality (Part One)
#4Steps: Connect with Our Intention (Part 2)
#3. Connect with Our Intention (Part 2) Look at the needs you selected in the previous lesson. Which one is standing out to you the most? Take a moment and imagine that need fully met. Think of a time when you fully experienced that quality - or imagine it fully experienced now. (Note: If you … Continue reading #4Steps: Connect with Our Intention (Part 2)
#4Steps: Getting Clear about Our Intentions
#2. Pre-Step: Getting Clear What gets in the way of speaking up? Usually it’s apprehension about how we’ll be heard. Will the other person be open to hearing our concerns? Or will they be defensive and push back? Will they judge or blame us? Will we get the desired result? When there is a history … Continue reading #4Steps: Getting Clear about Our Intentions
#4Steps: What gets in the way of speaking up?
Welcome to a mini-course on Four Steps to Effective Feedback! I’m excited about sharing practices with you that have made a huge difference for me and others in giving feedback and sharing concerns. Most of us like to see ourselves as empowered and directable to speak up and be honest about what matters to us. … Continue reading #4Steps: What gets in the way of speaking up?
Living in Full Authenticity
Most people value authenticity in their lives---being honest, genuine and real---true to their values and their vision. If we want love and depth of connection in our lives---and most people want this too--- we want that love and connection based on who we "really" are--our authentic selves. We may see authenticity as important in intimate … Continue reading Living in Full Authenticity
What do you need? And how can you get it?
When someone brings a concern or complaint to us, it can be easy to respond in a way that sounds defensive, even without intending it. By just sharing information or explaining, it can sound like excuses or push back. And sometimes of course we even disagree---and share some opinions of our own! How can you … Continue reading What do you need? And how can you get it?
Are you using your feelings for insight and direction–or are your feelings using you?
Feelings get a bad rap, especially at work. We want to be “professional” of course, rather than reactive. Yet feelings, when used skillfully, can help us self-connect and self-manage at work, helping us clarity and others’ attention and buy-in. It’s like using your feelings as a GPS system, rather than a lead foot on a … Continue reading Are you using your feelings for insight and direction–or are your feelings using you?
Work Collaboratively 