Episode 4: Making Requests


Connecting Across Differences is a podcast by Dian Killian, Ph.D. of Work Collaboratively about having greater empathy for yourself and others, and how to hear others more deeply and make sure that you’ve been heard. Episodes are available on iTunes.

Listen to Episode 4 below:

On this episode of Connecting Across Differences, Dian focuses on making requests, the fourth step in the model of Nonviolent Communication. To learn more about steps 1 – 3, listen to the previous episodes of this podcast.

The key distinction of making a request, is making a request that is free of demand. This means that when making a request, it’s important to be open to hearing “no.” Marshall Rosenberg, who developed the Nonviolent Communication model, often commented that the more you want something, it’s more likely you’ll get it if you’re open to hearing “no.” When a person says ‘no’ to something, they are actually saying ‘yes’ to something else. By using NVC, we can cultivate a curiosity as to what that person is actually saying ‘yes’ to when they say ‘no’.

In being open to hearing “no,” we also want to dog for our own needs and continue to explore how our needs can be met. This is how collaboration and creativity develop:: being open to hearing “no,” and also not giving up. It’s a dance, and an exploration. “OK, I’m hearing x won’t work for you…what ideas do you have?”

In this episode, Dian gives multiple examples of how to make a request that is free of demand and how to honor your feelings and needs while working together to find a solution that is a win-win for all parties involved.

To learn more about making requests, listen to the episode here:

What does it mean that a request is free of demand?
Why is it important when making a request that you get a full and genuine ‘yes’?
What happens when we can fully say ‘yes’ to something?

We’d love to hear what you’ve discovered! Feel free to post to the Work Collaboratively Facebook page.

You can also subscribe to the Connecting Across Differences podcast on iTunes. Please be sure to leave a review if you enjoyed the episode!

Thanks for listening– and be sure to tune in for our next episode in two weeks. If you’re enjoying our podcasts, please share them with your friends and family. The more people in your life who know how to connect with their feelings and needs, the easier you’ll find it to connect with them and come up with solutions that work for everyone involved!

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